Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
