pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
