Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
How does one acquire holy water?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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