if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize