Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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