I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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