Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
this will be a night to untag.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
