I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
