Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
