I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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