k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
