if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Randomize
