She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
