Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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