she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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