I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
