NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Randomize
