summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
