I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
