Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
