I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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