fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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