bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
