why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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