I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
