I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
