Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I love having hate sex.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Randomize
