but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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