its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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