You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My life is pants optional.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
