im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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