i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
