through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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