The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
