Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
