I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
