lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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