who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize