I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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