She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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