She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
