i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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