I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize