ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
