That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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