so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Someone stole a lamp last night.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
