He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
