i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
