I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
