so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
