the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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