Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
