Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
