don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
