My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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