Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It's blow job season.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
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