I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
