Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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