At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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