I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
