I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
