i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
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