I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
