It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
she looked like the before picture.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
