I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm experimenting with sincerity
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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