I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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